
Choc-nut Sundae Sipper
Ohhh, that was sipper, not stripper.
1 generous tbsp crunchy peanut butter
Equal quantity of chocolate syrup
About 1 cup whole milk
2 scoops chocolate or pecan nut ice cream
(optional) Whipped cream and chopped nuts, to serve.
Place the peanut butter, chocolate syrup, and a little milk into a blender and blend until smooth. Add the remaining milk and ice cream and blend again for three or four seconds. Pour into a tall glass, top with a dollop of whipped cream, and sprinkle with chopped nuts.
This is a recipe from David Briggs’ Mocktail, and holy substitution, Batman! (Real Batman fans got that reference). I used creamy instead of crunchy peanut butter, soy milk instead of whole milk, and left out the whipped cream and chopped nuts entirely. I went with high-end chocolate ice cream (not because I’m a snob, but because I’m allergic to most cheap ice cream) and some expensive Godiva chocolate syrup (actually because I’m a snob). After all that, it’s a fairly easy process – blend, add, and blend again.
Given how wildly off the mark I was with all the substitutions, it honestly didn’t turn out too bad. The peanut butter overpowered everything; one of my reviewers suggested we rename this drink to ‘Peanut Butter Milkshake’. Other than that, fairly average.
Rating: 2/3

Chocolate Malt
When’s the last time you tasted malt?
1 part soft chocolate ice cream
3 parts whole milk, well chilled
Generous squeeze of chocolate syrup
2 dessertspoons malt powder
(optional) chocolate sprinkles
Place all the ingredients (minus the chocolate sprinkles) into a blender and blend until smooth. Pour into a tall glass, sprinkle a topping of chocolate sprinkles, and serve with a thick straw.
This recipe also came from Mocktails by David Briggs. After all these months of mocktail-making, there’s only four in his book I’ve yet to try. If you’re struggling to find malt powder, try the hot cocoa/drink mixes section. It unfortunately only comes in big bottles. I scooped up my ice cream, poured in my milk (I used soy), and drizzled in some syrup. Now, to finish with… dessertspoons? Turns out, dessertspoons are a U.K. measurement. They straddle the line between tablespoons and teaspoons. If you can’t be bothered to convert, heaping teaspoons suffices. I blended, drizzled some chocolate syrup on top (instead of sprinkles), and enjoyed my first malt shake in years.
I grew up in a small, rural, Midwest town, isolated from the noise of the world, ignorant to everything but corn and my small family. A short walk from my house was one of the few restaurants in town, 44 Drive-In. It’s now long gone. We didn’t have much money growing up, so we never really visited. But I remember vividly one summer afternoon, my older brother led me down to the diner through the beating sun, and I watched my brother’s dollars, born of long days on detasseling crews, leave his calloused hand. Then, moments later, I was presented with my first-ever malt shake, cold, sweet, and just for me. It tasted like malt, of course, but mostly, it tasted like love.
In comparison, this drink was mediocre.
Rating: 2/3
