Halloween: The Official Ranking

Lesley Brey

Staff Writer

A time long ago, during an era now shrouded in the mystery of ages, before the dawn of the pandemic, people could gather free from the anxiety of illness to instead revel in far more enjoyable terrors. Oh, yes, spooky season is once again upon us! The favorite holiday of anyone with taste, Halloween is quite literally the best time of the year. The reasons are endless, the activities are to die for and the aesthetic is on point. In case you needed a reminder, here is a nonexclusive list of all the best parts of Halloween, scored on a 10 pumpkin scale, but let’s be honest: there is no “worst” part of Halloween.

You start October 1st like any sane person, with decorating. 

Reasons it Rocks: Nothing beats getting that perfect set up. You have the tricked out front yard, or dorm room doors. There’s the goth set-dressing you wish you could indulge in year-round. Not to mention the weird little decorations you pick up from Ross that don’t technically make sense but they just fit (I’m looking at you, spider skeletons.) Halloween decorating is an art form, but also a competition of one-upmanship looking to settle once and for all who has the best taste on the block.

Reasons it Sucks: Your Halloween decorations have been sitting in a box in your attic for a year and they are covered in dust. Fake cobwebs are cool, real spiders not so much. Once you’ve overcome the hurdle of getting things out of storage, you have to sort through a ton of the most useless and bizarre decorations you’ve ever seen. I mean really, what was the point of the foam skeleton with hands twice the size of its head? Inevitably you will have to go shopping for new decorations and that adds up.

Pumpkins: 6 ½ out of 10

So, once you’ve gotten decorated, you’re left with ~30 days until the night itself, so what do you do in the meantime? Enjoy the vibes of course! 

Watching scary movies is a good place to start.

Reasons it Rocks: There is a near-endless number of thrilling horror flicks to browse with more arriving each year. Really, it’s a pick your poison situation. You could opt for a classic, or try something new. Swaddled in darkness, the line between reality and fantasy is blurred. Was that tapping on your window a branch, or something worse? For a list of suggested titles check out our article, “Top 5 Spooky Movies Available on Streaming Services this Halloween”.

Reasons it Sucks: The movies over, you’ve had a good scare, time to go to bed. Ha! Fat chance. If you get spooked easily it will be a hot minute before you can once again rest peacefully. Worse, if you’re like me, scary movies are a no-go unless you have a viewing buddy who can narrate what’s happening while you have your face buried in a blanket. Yes, I am a scaredy-cat, thank you very much.

Pumpkins: 7 out of 10

Next up is a visit to one of many haunted attractions. 

Reasons it Rocks: Here in Idaho, we have no shortage of ghost stories or supposedly haunted places. If you’re looking for a fright, a visit to SRD’s Haunted Acre, the Albion Haunted Mansion or even Pocatello High School’s annual haunted house maybe in order. If jump scares aren’t your thing, a haunted walking tour takes you through Pocatello’s sordid history, showing off many buildings claiming to be home to the undead. I’ve known more than one person who’s had a spectral encounter during a tour, so if you’re a true believer it’s a seasonal must.

Reasons it Sucks: COVID-19. Due to concerns about public safety, many haunts had to change their typical setup to be more social distance friendly. No more clowns popping up to pat you on the shoulder, unfortunately. Furthermore, Idaho is cold this time of year, really cold. Sitting in line for an hour to enter a haunted attraction wouldn’t be so bad if you weren’t losing a finger to frostbite in the process.

Pumpkins: 8 ½ out of 10

It goes without saying that the best part of the season is the costumes.

Reasons it Rocks: When else are you allowed to dress any which way you want with virtually no criticism? You want to wear a cape? Then wear a cape! Nothing can stop you! Vampire fangs, fake blood, bad wigs, historically dubious attire; all of this is available for you to indulge in. Wear it to a costume party to show off. Wear it trick-or-treating to one-up a bunch of five-year-olds. Wear it to the bar just cause. Wear it to bed because no one can deprive you of this. No one.

Reasons it Sucks: Well, you probably can’t do most of that stuff this year, on account of the deadly virus infecting everyone and their dog. A girl can dream though. Otherwise, there’s no downside. Costumes are the best, so don’t let COVID stop you from getting your fancy all dressed up and attending a Zoom party. Something is better than nothing.

Pumpkins: 10 out of 10