Andrew Crighton
Editor-in-Chief
Summer is typically a time for individuals to recharge. An opportunity to regroup, asses the previous academic year and make a plan in the months before starting it over.
That has not been my experience.
Last academic year I completed my third year of post-secondary education, and it was hard. A lot of people will tell you that the third year and the last semester before you graduate are the hardest points of your academic career. Whether or not that is true for other people, it most definitely was for me.
I was first in line for the break to start, because I thought that if anything I needed a break from the monotony of class and work. Summer however, seemed to have only deepened that rut.
I kept feeling like I had to run away from something. I was not mentally or physically prepared to jump back into the trenches.
I did things like put off registering for classes until the last possible minute (seriously, I did that thirty minutes before I wrote this).
For one reason or another, I felt like I wasn’t ready to go back to Pocatello, ISU and what I used to find pleasurable: learning new and interesting things.
Whenever I stopped and thought about it, there was no love in my heart for coming back to school.
I know, I know; “Who wants to go back to school?”
I usually do want to go back though. I have almost always done better when I am in a structured environment, with a set schedule and deadlines I have to meet. Left to my own devices nothing in my life would ever get done.
Perhaps it’s because I feel like I’ve passed a threshold in my college career. The first two years it was socially ok to still be figuring things out.
No one would bat an eye if you decided to change majors your first year at college. Hell, that’s the norm.
Three years in, and I don’t even want to think about how many thousands of dollars later, that freedom of choice starts to slip out of your hands. At least that’s how I interpret it.
Like so many countless other young adults my age, I don’t really know what I want from life yet. I don’t know if the path I’m taking is the right one, the wrong one or if that even really matters in the long term.
I just have a vague ideal of what I want my future to look like; and for me at least, school doesn’t really seem to play a part in it.
So where am I left then? With an idea of what I want, a semi-set path, and no idea if the two link up anywhere. Do I grit my teeth and put faith in that what I want will happen so long as I put in the effort–or do I cut my losses and run like hell?
I always said I should take up jogging.
Even though I like to think about it, I can’t help but feel like running is the easy way out.
There are people who have helped me so much through the past few years. Both family and friends, and I feel an obligation to finish what they helped me start. Otherwise their time, effort and money have all gone to waste.
I have no problem wasting my own resources, but it’s another thing to do it to people who love and/or care about you.
It’s not true that nothing in life is given to you or to others. There are some who have had everything given to them, but we often resent them for it.
It’s not entirely fair that we do; after all, having things given to you is great. Who doesn’t want to just get a degree, and then a job with a comfortable income right out of the gate?
If someone was standing there offering it to you, you would be lying if you said you wouldn’t take it.
It’s not bad to wish you had it easy, because who doesn’t? What’s bad is when you decide that you are going to wait for it to happen through the expense of other people; or be unable to recognize that you have not in fact been one of the lucky people who have had things handed to them.
What’s important is to be cognizant enough to realize when the work has to be put in, and then have the will to do it.
That last part is the one that I am struggling with. I am lazy and I procrastinate like no one you have ever seen. Those are the hurdles I have to deal with, and I hope that eventually I find a means that is effective in dealing with them. Because heaven knows what I have been trying, has not been working.
So today, on this page and in these words, I think I have decided on what I am going to do. Instead of run, I will stand and fight against my demons.
