SMA
Submitted Article
If you think that your roommate might be gay, there are a couple of issues that you might be wondering about.
The first thing is whether or not you have a right to know about their orientation. The simple answer, is ‘no.’ Whether or not you believe homosexuality is wrong, by living with them you are not running the risk of being murdered, raped, or stolen from. The only negative side-effect of them being gay is that it might make you uncomfortable; and in that scenario, wouldn’t you rather not know? Furthermore, it’s a privacy and a safety concern. This issue is extremely divisive and someone who tells people that they are homosexual, transgendered or anything in-between runs the risk of tremendous backlash.
Now, suppose that your roommate actually does confide in you that they are gay. What then? The first thing that you need to know is that they trust you. If someone tells you something so central to who they are as their sexuality, or a family situation, or any information about their personal life – it is because they think that you are worthy of confiding in. Again, whether or not you are morally opposed to homosexuality is beside the point. In the event that they tell you, it isn’t your job to let other people know. Assure them that you will keep this information private, and if you can, assure them that you will still be their friend.
When I tell something about myself that I fear I will be judged for, my worry is that people will no longer want to associate with me. This concern isn’t unique to me either, it is something that we have all experienced. The person sitting in front of you, saying something that they may have never told anyone, could really use some stability in their lives. Because you will be living with them, you have the opportunity to provide some of that stability. Never promise that your relationship with them won’t change, because it probably will, just assure them that there will be no issues with their sexuality and if you are able to, assure them that you will support them and remain their friend. Most of all, thank them for trusting you. If you can make it clear that you care about them on a personal level and that you want to provide help in any way possible, you have done your job. If it is something that you are uncomfortable with, at the very least promise privacy and be understanding of the fact that trying to change them, coerce them or berate them is only going to make the situation bad for both of you.
Finally, you need to know what to do after they have disclosed this to you. The main thing is that you need to include them in your daily activities, just like you did beforehand. If you don’t, it’s possible that they will feel ostracized. This is where that stability comes into play. If you share things about yourself and include them in your daily life, they will know that they have someone to confide in. If you judge them, neither one of you will be happy.
If you have any concerns on how to handle this situation, be sure to ask your RA or seek ISU’s free counseling.
