Jaclyn Figg
Staff Writer
Imagine feeling trapped in a body, failing to identify with your exterior shell, hiding behind a pre-set social conformity and wanting only to feel comfortable and understood.
Everyone has a gender identity, an internal feeling of being either masculine, feminine or something in between. A person’s gender identity is not visible from the outside and should not constitute acceptance.
Transgender people feel their gender identity is different from their assigned sex at birth, or their perceived sex.
“That was definitely one of the biggest things I struggled with,” said Aydian Dowling, a 28-year-old Long Island, New York native, “feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m so different. And because I’m so different, I must be weird.”
Dowling is the founder of Point 5cc clothing company, male-model and the first transgender male to be on the cover of Men’s Health Magazine.
Most people experienced different labels in high school and possibly in other parts of their lives, whether it be the jocks, the emotional, the dancers or the band-campers. Whichever you identify with, you find a home there with friends, but for some it may not be so easy to find their clique.
“I think especially for teenagers or young adults, everybody feels a little different,” Dowling said. “But then you find your little niche, your cool friends who relate to you, or share the same story. Growing up as an LGBTQ kid you don’t always find that story.”
Born a girl, Dowling started to self-identify as a lesbian around the age of 16. He then went on a journey to transform into what he knew to be his true gender identity.
Ten years ago, when Dowling was graduating high school, transgender wasn’t necessarily a well-known term. He met his first transgender male, in person, around the age of 21.
“I met this guy, and it pretty much changed my entire life,” he said.
Through exposure and dialogue with others, he began to understand the physical and emotional feelings transgender individuals experience. He found the missing piece to his struggle.
Dowling decided to record his transformation on YouTube, to be out and open, educate the world and connect with people, while keeping a record of such a major milestone in his life.
“The biggest thing we have in common is we’re human beings,” Dowling said. “Once we can realize that no matter how different the person looking back at you may seem on the outside, at the end of the day, we are all human.”
There are people who are taught being different is a bad thing, taught that people need to fit into the boxes of society and to not stick out in a crowd in order to be a normal person.
With two brothers, Dowling’s mom never said he wasn’t allowed to play cowboys and Indians over Polly Pocket. Getting dirty wasn’t a big deal, and being safe was more important.
Growing up as a girl, he wasn’t a five-year-old thinking he was trapped in the wrong body.
“I find a better sense of identity when I say transgender male because that to me is acknowledging my female past and for me I don’t want to lose that,” Dowling said.
Children and adults can experience gender dysphoria, where the gender they physically appear to be is not the gender they truly identify with.
Dysphoria is a state of feeling dissatisfaction causing anxiety and possible depression. When treating gender dysphoria, recommendations are to treat the underlying depression and anxiety first as well as provide hormone supplements or suppressants.
Typically, if a child is still experiencing these symptoms after puberty it will continue to be a part of their life.
“Is it really a disease?” said Dowling. “Is it like getting cancer? Something we can look at a body scan and be like, yes, there’s the transgender in him.”
While undergoing his transformation, Dowling wanted to get top surgery done, removal of the breast tissue. The costs of these surgeries can range from $5,000 to $10,000. To raise the money, he started making T-shirts from his home.
People loved them and wanted to help. He bought the shirts for $5 then sold them for $20, and was able to raise the money for his surgery in six months.
Point 5cc took off from there and began donating part of the proceeds to transgender people looking to get surgery.
“I really have big visions for the company, I want to be like the ‘Trans-Google,’” Dowling said.
Dowling will be coming to ISU to talk about his journey through transformation and his business, Feb. 25 from 3 to 4 p.m. in the Rendezvous Suites.
The Gender Resource Center helps to work against discrimination due to a student’s gender. They, as well as SAGA, an LGBTQ club on campus, and The Genesis Project, an organization for gay, bisexual, or curious males are co-sponsors to pay for Dowling’s visit at ISU.
“Anybody that expresses interest in the center whether they are LGBTQ or an ally, can come here and we can help direct them to places on campus or community resources,” said Mathew Day, a microbiology major working in the Gender Resource Center who successfully wrote a grant for the Great American Condom Campaign.
SAGA stands for sexuality and gender alliance and provides a safe, fun space for people who are queer or queer-affirming to feel accepted.
“Transgender people on campus may or may not experience a general misunderstanding about their identity,” said Joe Crupper president of SAGA. “I think that’s why it’s good Aydian is coming because it’s going to be another way to find out what transgender is.”
According to Dowling, we are programmed to think that in order to experience happiness we are expected to have struggled at some point in our lives, expected to have experienced turmoil and in order to feel loved, we have to push ourselves into a lonely corner.
“And that’s not true,” said Dowling. “I’m sorry but if you gave me a huge chocolate cake I’m going to know that thing is awesome. I don’t have to eat a huge cake of shit to know that the chocolate tastes really good.”
Shelbie Harris contributed to this article.
