How to Be a Friend
According to a 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately one in four women and one in seven men will be victims of intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.
Research done by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence indicates that in 21 percent of college dating relationships, one of the partners is currently being abused.
Additionally, nearly one third of college students report having physically assaulted a dating partner in the previous 12-month period.
It can often be difficulty to analyze a relationship to determine if it is or is not abusive. Physical violence is not the only sign of an abusive relationship. Other common signs are partners who attempt to seize total control of finances, intentionally and regularly insult or demean their partner, or habitually attempt to cut their partner off from friends or family.
Other red flags for abusive relationships can be found at theredflagcampaign.org.
If individuals believe they are in an abusive relationship, the obvious step is to leave. However, extenuating circumstances often make that very difficult. Whether it is children, finances, or simply the fear that the abusive partner will become even more abusive if the individual attempts to leave, leaving isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Often, friends of an abused partner can struggle with ways to support the friend through the difficult leaving process.
An easy way that friends can offer support is through gathering information about dating or domestic violence programs in their area. Melissa Orgill, a graduate teaching assistant at the Wellness Center, comments, “These programs offer safety, advocacy, support, legal information and other needed services. If your friend asks for advice on what she should do, share the information you’ve gathered.”
Offering emotional support is key, says Orgill.
“Let your friend know he is not alone and people are available to help. Encourage her or him to seek the assistance of dating or domestic violence victim advocates,” she says.
Orgill advises letting the friend know that information imparted to advocates is confidential.
If the friend decides to leave the relationship, an important step of that exit involves creating a “safety plan.” By making use of local domestic violence hotlines, abused partners can better ensure their own safety, as well as the safety of any children.
A safety plan can set in place concrete plans for a variety of scenarios — safety during a violent incident, safety when preparing to leave, safety in the victim’s own residence, etc.
A comprehensive safety plan template can be found on the official website of the Council on Domestic Violence and Victim Assistance.
As a friend, Orgill notes, it is important to support the abused partner regardless of if he or she decide to leave the abusive partner or not.
“Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that she is a bad person, a bad student, or a bad friend. Your friend may believe he can’t do anything right and that there really is something wrong with her or him. Give [that person] emotional support. Emphasize that she deserves a life that is free from violence.”
A local victim’s advocate hotline is the Family Services Alliance at 208-232-0742.
Domestic violence hotlines include the Idaho Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-669-317, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
In the case of a serious emergency, do not hesitate to call 911.
For more information about the ISU Wellness Center, find them at www.facebook.com/idahostateuniversitywellnesscenter.
