Madeleine Coles
Life Editor
Hello boys and girls, faculty and staff, mom and dad and anyone else who might perchance be future readers of this column.
Let me start by saying this is technically an advice column. I guess.
It will work very similar to an advice column. You send me letters (and by letters I mean emails because it’s 2016, come on) asking me for advice on a particular problem you are having I publish a response.
However, this is the part where I feel it necessary to add a small disclaimer: please, for the love of whatever deity you believe in and my own personal peace of mind, do not follow my advice.
At the risk of sounding overly self-assured, I will tell you right now that I am the least qualified person to tell you how to live your life. And in fact, that is the very point of this column- a badvice column if you will. (Note that from this point forward, puns will be frequent occurrence.)
Since I will, in essence, be acting as therapist/life coach/mom to whosoever chooses to seek advice from me, I will do you the service of listing all the reasons you should take everything I say not with a grain of table salt, but a boulder of very inedible sodium chloride.
My fridge is currently filled with old takeout boxes, half a bowl of raw cake batter, a variety of expired cheeses and every condiment known to humankind.
My car is currently filled with empty McDonald’s and Taco Bell bags, and I won’t further incriminate myself by saying just how many. (But trust me, it’s a lot.)
My room is currently filled with so many dirty clothes you actually can no longer see carpet. And in case you are wondering, I do have a laundry hamper. But as it turns out, it is currently filled with clean, folded clothes from that time I did laundry three weeks ago and never put them away.
I recently went to a very fancy lunch where it was a requirement to look not homeless, and I had to go searching for my hairbrush because it had been so long since I used it.
My love life is non-existent. I recently went on a date for the first time in well over a year. I met him on Tinder, we went to Starbucks, I babbled about how much I love coffee for half an hour while he gave me a look not dissimilar to the way a good Samaritan might perhaps look at a disabled duck.
Ultimately, I believe the purpose of this column (and indeed the very essence of my personality) can be summed up by this truly timeless quote.
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? And cheese.” – Chandler Bing.
